Posts for 'Divorce and Children' Category

Divorce is one stressful experience for parents themselves so what can they expect from their children. Regardless of age or development of them, they still tend to through a tough a process. Something or the other happens to them. Majority of the kids seem to become either very close to one of their parent or become very distant with either both of them or one of them. Different sort of feelings and phases are experienced by them.

It's hard to imagine a more difficult transition for a child to be party to his or her parents' divorce. Divorce just not affects the child but also the parent. Research has shown that despite reconciliation efforts via family counseling, most children suffer during and after the process.

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My lawyer is not happy when I write about my divorce all over my blog. But as a career adviser I say all the time that the best careers are those that are authentic, so it would be weird to have this huge event going on in my life and not make any mention of it within the context of my own career.

And that's the bottom line - a marriage might be about love and the divorce about finances and kids. Both of those are linked to one's career. I go to the social worker to figure out how to handle the kids part of the equation, but as a career adviser myself, I have been thinking hard about things to do to keep the divorce from destroying my career. Here are my conclusions:

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children, divorce, social networks, A study showing the contagious nature of divorce among social networks has been receiving a good bit of attention this week. Not only friends, siblings and people you work with, but also friends of friends are more likely to divorce if you do. Children can protect you from this contagion (although not, apparently, from more direct causes of divorce) -- the more children the better.

The report is based on the Framingham Heart Study -- a longitudinal study of the population of a small Massachusetts town near Boston which was started in 1948 to investigate risk for heart disease. Now it seems to shed some light on matters of the heart in a figurative sense -- focusing again on “disease”.

Divorce is a tough thing for anyone to go through – it can be very hard on a person emotionally and physically. This is just as true for children. They will also need proper help during this difficult time.

Eventually you and your spouse will have to sit down together and make arrangements that will be suitable for you and your children. This will be much easier and less painful than having to go to court and have them decide this for you.

Don’t keep the divorce a secret from the children. You need to tell them about your decision to get divorced and what it will mean to them. Let them know that it was a mutual decision and that you both did your best to avoid a divorce.Make them understand that you and your spouse will not be getting back with each other and there is nothing they can do to make this change.

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People who are considering a separation  may be better off seeking the advice of a divorce lawyer than remaining together for their children. This is the suggestion of a new study by researchers at Montclair State University in the US, which showed that unhappy couples who remain married could do their offspring more harm than good.

In fact, the children of people who divorced and maintained an amicable relationship apart were more likely to forge happy relationships of their own later in life, LiveScience.com reports. However, youngsters whose parents remained married but continued to fight went on to experience conflict in their later relationships.

Lead researcher Constance Gager commented: "Kids go through a one to two-year crisis period when their parents divorce, but they are resilient and they come back from that divorce." In May, legal adviser Nicola Matthews said in an article for North East Business that the divorce process can be made less difficult by employing a specialist family law solicitor from the beginning.

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That was the last time their father spent the night at home. Many times the youngest of the children would snuggle up to her mother: "mommy where is daddy? I miss daddy," and begin to cry. Her mother would hide her tears from the child.

The children always talk about the day daddy came to take them to the park. Too sad he would not spend the night again as he was going for a trip far away. However he promises he will come back to take them to another good place. As he tells his little girls "I love you," then Nana, the youngest asks innocently, "daddy akere you also love mommy?"

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Both parents should be there to talk to the child and they can’t get angry. Whatever differences they have they must put aside for the good of their child.

This is not about the parents anymore since the decision has been made to split up; it’s all about the kids. The parents have to let the child know that it has nothing to do with them.

That they did not cause it and that they are still very much loved by each parent. The children will have questions and depending on the age of the children.

The questions will vary. You have to be prepared to be honest and speak with one voice on everything that they ask. Blame does not matter at this moment.

You children are losing the full time access to one of their parents and that can be devastating to them. Their lives are going to change and they are scared.

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“Intuition” is the immediate apprehension of truth without thinking.…some things you just know intuitively…One of those things is that divorce is bad for kids. Culture, however, has tried to overcome that bit of intuition by promoting the notion of “the good divorce.

Elizabeth Marquardt debunks that idea in a new book, entitled Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce Divorce is an act in which two parents escape their problems by shifting the burden to their kids– essentially two adults ganging up on one or more children.

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As the rise in divorce rates is steadily matched by a decline in the influence of such traditional institutions as the church and the family itself, schools are increasingly faced with a dilemma of national significance.

The pressure on schools to act as second parent to its students has been growing constantly since the sixties when the drug and sexual revolutions spread to school campuses. Often, at that time.

The schools chose to act as go-betweens in the conflicts of parents and students, trying to bridge what became known as the generation gap.

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There is no easy way to tell the breaking news, but you must do that! Do it as soon as you are certain of your divorce.

It is highly recommendable that both parents are present when a child is told. The basic message should be:

“we used to loveeach other and were happy together, but now we don't feel that way anymore and think we would be better apart.

It is not about you, we love you just the same as we ever did. This divorce is happening because of us. We are responsible, not you.”

Communication is very important. Be sensitive, understanding, and most important leave all feeling of guilt, blame or anger out of this! Do not transfer this on your your child.
One of most important things is to emphasize that your child shouldn't blame himself or herself for the divorce of parents, and that under no condition this is his or hers fault. Second most important thing is to reassure him or her that your love for him/ her is unconditional and permanent! Do they have to know everything?

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