IN any marriage there are bound to be problems. We can talk on this topic until the cows come home and still there will be marriages that end in divorce. Not necessarily in a mixed marriage only. Therefore, citing it as the cause of most cases for divorce is uncalled for. Compromise and emulate the good in every culture and be steadfast in your own faith. That, to me, is one way to sustain a mixed marriage.

If a survey is conducted on mixed marriages, I am sure there will be many success stories. I have often told my children and grandchildren to be proud of who they are because being of mixed parentage is something beautiful. Many a time people have stopped and stared at my children and asked them where they come from, only to be proudly told, “I am Malaysian, and I was born in Penang.” “But you look so different!” will be the reply.

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Divorce of the parents doesn’t change just the lives of two people but their children too. In fact, they are the ones who are most affected. Most often the divorced parent would be immersed in their own grief and hardly bother to sympathies with the child. This makes the child feel as though they have been distanced from both the parents. Impact of divorce on the child is almost similar to death of one of the parents.

Children tend to believe that they have been the cause of the split and the parent who has left doesn’t love and care for them any more. They get depressed, confused and disoriented. Effects are serious and for the life.

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As poor Cheryl Cole prepares to do battle against husband Ashley in the divorce courts for what some claim will be a hard-fought settlement worth £20m (NZ$43m), one imagines the likes of John Terry and Vernon Kay can only pray that their own recent transgressions don't reach a similarly ugly conclusion.

But as Divorce Confidential, an unashamedly lurid memoir from top US lawyer Gerald Nissenbaum, suggests, whenever the wealthy separate, things can get very messy indeed. "I would say half our cases end quickly and amicably," he suggests, citing one in which a husband and wife with US$70m (NZ$100m) between them happily walked away with $35m each.

And the other half? He smiles sagely. "Well, the other half don't." This should not, of course, be particularly surprising. Whenever there are broken hearts involved, the ensuing fallout rarely brings out the best in people. And if it is not money they are fighting over, it's the children.

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Yearly more than 1 million children experience the divorce of their parents. The process and trauma these children experience will normally begin long before there is an actual divorce.

It will begin with parental disagreements, anger and continue to worsen throughout the divorce process and can often last for many years after the divorce is final.

You can’t take your child’s discomfort away but there are things you can do that will lessen the long lasting effects your divorce will have.

Here's How:
Utilize Age Appropriate Therapy.It is important to have a third party who can be objective and whose only concern is listening to and putting at ease, the feelings of the child.

A child will feel more comfortable expressing anger or sadness to a third party such as a therapist.

Put Their Feelings First.Stay focused on your children’s needs in spite of your anger, grief and discomfort in the divorce process.

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According to a report in Friday's edition of Al-Madinah newspaper, a man in his 70s went to a local court in Dammam seeking a divorce from his wife of 18. When the judge inconvenienced the man by asking him the name of his wife, the man couldn't remember and just gave the judge a few names to pick from  none of which turned out to be correct. The newspaper said the judge asked the man to come back after "he had collected enough data about his wife." Perhaps this gives an indication as to why the marriage failed; people like loved ones to remember their names!

Living together before marriage doesn't necessarily increase the risk of divorce, but those who get engaged or married before cohabiting have a slight edge, according to a just-released national study.

The prevalent belief, based on older studies, was that couples who cohabited before marriage were significantly more likely to split up than those who didn't.

But a new report from the National Center for Health Statistics, based on the National Survey of Family Growth conducted in 2002, says differently.

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In many cases when a married couple decides to get divorced, the children can often be forgotten. It is not that the parents have purposely forgotten about their children, they have just become so caught up in the tension between each other that how their fighting and divorce is affecting their child can go unnoticed.

A divorce does not simply mean an life altering change in the parents lives, it also means a life altering change in the child’s life, especially for children who are very young and do not understand why their parents are moving away from each other.

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Getting divorced? Here are some true stories of divorce from the book "You Can Keep the Damn China!' And 824 Other Great Tips on Dealing With Divorce" (Hundreds of Heads Books, www.hundredsofheads.com, $13.95), straight from people who've lived it:

I still have a relationship with my ex-husband. Our boys live with him, and right now we wouldn't have it any other way. He's a wonderful father, and I feel very lucky he has taken that responsibility very seriously. They adore him, and that helps me live via daily phone calls and e-mails to them.

And when I get to see them, I see a reflection of him in them. We talk on a daily basis about our children's lives and how to help or complement them. Together we support the good and bad days for our children. And sometimes, my ex listens when a new "friend" in my life doesn't work out as I had hoped, and he is very supportive without being critical or judgmental about my decisions. I feel lucky.

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Divorce can leave couples spent emotionally and financially, but there are some ways to cope. There is nothing easy about divorce, a harsh reality that takes a toll on many different aspects of life. News 8's financial expert, Kristen Guibord, offered some advice on how to cope -- at least financially.

"One of the biggest stressor of marriage is finances. All the time, if you are talking to people who are getting divorced, that's always one of the biggest stressor," Guibord said.There's no doubt that stress could easily escalate during and following divorce as lives change emotionally and financially.

"There are legal, emotional and financial issues surrounding divorce. So, in terms of divorce, to the extent you can, I think you want to be aware and understand what your family finances are," Guibord said. Guibord said the first thing to do is collect as much that pertinent information as possible.

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Reports say that divorces among the over-50s have soared by 19 per cent to 23,000 a year since 1998 and the overall rate is said to have fell 16 per cent to 130,000 a year. It’s said that couples whose children have left home are splitting in record numbers to seek their independence and can enjoy the holidays and experiences they always wanted.

A Department for Work and Pensions study said, “Women wave goodbye to their children, are suddenly alone with their partner and realize they want something else from life.”