Children, as well as parents, feel the stress and confusion of separation and divorce. Many kids feel angry, sad and frustrated about the prospect of their parents splitting up for good and are uncertain about what life will be like after divorce.  Your ability to communicate successfully with your child , meet their needs, for safety and support  take care of yourself, and maintain a civil relationship with your ex will have a positive effect on your child. Given the right support, your child will be able express their feelings, grieve their loss, and emerge from this unsettling time a stronger more resilient person.You may be concerned about how your separation or divorce will affect your kids. Children are likely to feel unsure about what their life will look like after their parents split up, but be confident that you and your children can successfully navigate this transition. It is your job to reassure them and show them that they can continue to count on their parents to provide stability and love throughout their lives.

You're divorced and you have kids. How do you handle different rules and discipline between mom's house and dad's house? Do you have any say about what goes on in the other parent's home anymore?

Here's how one of my readers expressed her frustration:

"My two children are with my ex every other weekend and they have a totally different set of rules in his house than in mine. They stay up late, eat a lot of sugar, homework never seems to get done, and they have no discipline. When they get back to my house, my children are irritable, overtired and rude. They seem to take a full day before they settle back in. What can I do?"

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In years past, the American Dream for most young girls’ is to grow up and be married to Prince Charming and to “Live Happily Ever After!” Although this may be expected - it is rarely fulfilled. Marriage is the legal and binding union between a man and woman. Yet when couples marry, they vow to stay by their partner’s side ‘till death do us part.’ Currently that vow seems to have little or no value in today’s society. The current statistics for survival of marriage are quite grim. The divorce rate in the United States is somewhere between 50 percent and a startling 67 percent. (KSL News) One contributing factor the growing epidemic of divorce is the parting of different family members or the breakup of the family unit, as well as effect it may have upon the children or the other spouse.

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The effects of divorce on children could be massive, but this could be helped. The most common causes for divorce are family problems, physical or emotional abuse, extramarital affairs, work stress and vices. Below are types of divorces you might want to familiarize with:

· Legal divorce – is the lawful end of your marriage where you are allowed to remarry.
· Economic divorce – involves the splitting of assets i.e.: money and property.
· Co-parental divorce – is a type of divorce where both parents agree to support their child even though they no longer have spousal support for each other.

Common effects of divorce on children are psychological problems, poor intellectual development and affected parent-child relationships.Psychological Effects:

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More often than not people decide to get a divorce before they really think about the effects of divorce. People usually decide to get a divorce based on emotion rather than logic which can hinder their long term happiness.

Still, there are those that make their decision about getting a divorce by taking into account the effects that divorce can have on everyone involved. Some effects of divorce can be positive depending on your situation even though ‘divorce' is usually seen in a negative light. The effects of divorce are far too many to list here so let's concentrate on effects of divorce that seem most apparent and that address making a decision about divorce.

Obviously one of the most common effects of divorce is how the divorce will change the money flow for the people involved in the divorce. A change in cash flow affects the freedom we have and it can change the lifestyle we have. A change in housing, work, travel, shopping, etc., make people stop and think about how deeply “money” will have on their life after divorce. While a “change in money flow” is a consideration and a true hard effect of divorce, there's other effects that might carry greater weight in the decision making process.

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Telling the Children You Are Getting Divorced.Telling the children that you are going to get divorced can be a very difficult obstacle to overcome, but it is something that must be done in order for the children to begin to accept this dramatic change in their life. Research shows that children reared in an environment where there is tension will be more traumatized than a child reared in a divorced home, tension free enviroment. If children see parents constantly abusing each other, whether it be verbally or physically, the child will ultimately suffer.

It is possible for children to thrive in a divorced home, provided they are under the right parental conditions. One of the first ways that a parent can help a child is by telling him or her about the divorce. Remember, children of all ages will be affected by their parent's divorce. Following are some tips on telling the children.

How to Tell the Children  No matter what the age, it is important that the parents tell the children what is going on.

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As you consider your divorce settlement, you may be tempted to sign it just to get things over and done with.  This is a bad mistake.  Even if everything looks fair and equitable, you may not really be getting a good deal.  Below is an article by By William Donaldson, that outlines some major areas to consider in your divorce negotiations.

Divorce and Your Finances - The 7 Most Costly Mistakes

Each year there are nearly 1 million divorces in the United States, or about 50% of all marriages (2002 United States Census Bureau statistics). The real tragedy, however, is the financial devastation that occurs to many individuals after their divorce.

Too often, a divorcing individual accepts an unfair settlement and finds that a few years later he or she is experiencing serious financial challenges. Was he or she intimidated or pressured to settle? Did the offer appear to be equitable? What ever the reason, this outcome can be significantly improved upon, if not altogether avoided, if you first understand the seven most costly financial mistakes commonly made in divorce settlements.

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When it comes to explaining divorce to children, many parents freeze.  How can you tell them that life as they have always known it will change in a very big way.  Breaking the news to your kids is perhaps the hardest part about getting a divorce, because you know that it will cause pain and confusion to the one's you love the most.

I remember the tears welling up in my son's eyes as I told him that his Dad and I weren't going to live in the same house anymore; how I struggled to find the right words to make him believe that we still loved him and that everything would work out in the long run.  Oh, how I wished that I had some guidance on how to tell him in a way that would make it easier.  I didn't have anything but instinct to guide my discussion at the time.  But you can benefit from the insight of Rosalind Sedacca as she explains how to tell kids about divorce in such a way so they can accept it.

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Dealing with trust issues in relationships is an important part of your divorce recovery.  After you have been lied to, cheated on, or taken advantage of, it's easy to believe that no one is trustworthy.  But if you go through life thinking that relationships only bring hurt, then you stand the chance of missing out on getting to know someone who will actually treat you right.  The article below offers tips and suggestions to help you learn how to trust again.Divorce takes its toll on women in different ways. Some of the effects are immediate, like the loss of companionship, love, and economic security, while some of the effects only come to the light long after the fact. The loss of trust is one of those hidden wounds that tends to surface long after a marriage has come to an end.

Dealing with the loss of trust is important. It is impossible to have a close romantic relationship without trust. Trust is the most basic component of being close to someone. Trust entails knowing that a partner cares about you, that he is available when you need him, and that he has your best interest at heart.

Divorce takes it toll on one's sense of trust because it tends to bring out the worst in us. A painful divorce can turn a cooperative partnership into competitive free-for-all destroying a sense of trust in others in the process.

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Children are the innocent victims of divorce.  They become the center of battles over child custody, support, and visitation.  Worst of all, the lines are drawn between the two people they love the most - Mom and Dad.Divorce affects a child in ways that parents don't always consider.  They face losing the only lifestyle that they've ever known.  In it’s place are week-end visits with Dad, living with a stressed out Mom, and having reduced resources for everything they used to do. You can't change this fact, but you can give your children unconditional love and support to help ease their adjustments.

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