Child custody is often the ugliest and most painful parts of a divorce - for the parents and the children. This is why it is imperative to do all you can to come to an agreement that works with everyone when getting a divorce. If your children are older, find out what their wishes are - because the Courts may consider their wishes.
But, coming to agreement on weighty matters such as child custody is not always easy. Coming to agreement means to some extent compromise. What many people don't know is that if you don't wish to compromise, a Court may force a compromised situation on you or decide against you. When you litigate your divorce (or any other legal matter), you're handing full control of the outcome to a third party (the court).
When you negotiate and mediate, you retain some control over the outcome - and in many instances this is to your and your children's benefit in the long run. Child Custody Battle Fallout: Divorce is traumatic enough on kids. A huge court battle can be traumatic. Tempers flair, things are said, and situations arise that can and do hurt kids.
Sometimes kids want nothing to do with a parent as a result of a nasty divorce - and as a parent, this is the last thing you wish to occur. Sometimes a spouse will try to malign the other spouse in the children's eyes - saying things that turn children against a parent. If this happens, you may have no choice but to hire a lawyer to put a stop to it.
However, if you and your spouse are committed to an amicable divorce as possible by coming to agreement, you can minimize the potential for "poisoning the mind of the children against a parent".
The Problem: When divorce is foisted upon an unsuspecting party, or the relationship has broken down in a heated way, emotions run wild and it's very difficult to then proceed in an amicable way.
The Solution: In my view, the solution to avoid an all-out battle, no matter how hurt the parties are, is to focus with laser-intensity on the best interests of the children - and that is to avoid as much antagonism as possible.
Again, coming to agreement naturally means compromise. At the end of the day there is no "winner" in a divorce. That said, if your marriage breakdown is a result of violence, substance abuse, or in any way threatens the wellbeing of your children, it may be impossible to agree on divorce terms. Instead, the only option available may be hiring a lawyer and go to the Courts for resolution.
However, if your kids' wellbeing is not threatened beyond the normal pain of divorcing parents, then do all you can to minimize the trauma to you and your kids by working toward an amicable divorce.
That said, an amicable divorce does not mean you cave in and give away everything. You must be largely satisfied generally - especially with respect to your children's wellbeing.
If you decide to get a divorce without an attorney, but your divorce is complex or heated, it might be wise to at least get independent legal advice before signing any agreement. Independent legal advice is simply meeting with a lawyer (preferably a divorce lawyer in a divorce matter) and running by your situation and the terms of settlement/agreement with that lawyer.
After getting independent legal advice, you are in a better position to decide how to proceed. Your main decision is whether to agree to the terms with your spouse, or battle on. Just remember it's the battling on that can really hurt your kids. Don't fight on over trivial matters. If it's important, then continue. If trivial, seriously consider doing all you can to enter an agreement with your spouse.
Next, if you can agree with your spouse, then decide if you will do the divorce paperwork, whether you'll save money and time with a divorce service, or you'll hire an attorney to take care of all the work.
Frankly, if you and your spouse manage to agree, then I like the hybrid approach. Use a divorce service to quickly and properly complete all your paperwork, then see an attorney to ensure it's completed properly.
These two divorce services also provide detailed parenting plans in the divorce paperwork package, which makes it very easy to have it reviewed by a lawyer and then file it with a court.