Divorce is hard and stressful enough for the man and the woman without having any children to be concerned with. And definitely, if you have any children, they should be the most of your concern, especially how you can help them to cope with your divorce. There are ways to help your kids to do that, and below are 3 ways to help them.

 

1. You & your spouse have to be honest, sincere and strait-forward with them: both of you will talk to your kids about your decision to get divorced, and absolutely it's not their fault that you get divorced. No one knows exactly why, but often the kids thought that their parents got divorced because they did somethings wrong, and that made them feel guilty, depressed, and eventually they would feel bad about themselves which means they would have very low self-esteem or none at all. There were several scenarios which made them feel this way: either you fought in front of them, and they heard their name & their actions mentioned; or you didn't fight in front of them but didn't realize that they could hear both of you, and they also heard their name & their actions mentioned; or there were times, in the heat of the moment, either one or both of you said to them somethings to the effect that you could not take their actions any more, and didn't mean that you were going to leave, but they didn't know that. To let your kids know that you mean it when you tell them that it's not their fault that you get divorced, both of you should remind them often about that. And don't tell your kids things that are not true or you cannot support, they look up to you as a role model.

 

2. You & your spouse reassure them of your love for them: both of you will tell them that you always love and care for them, and follow that with your attitudes and actions. Your telling them your love for them will make them feel wanted and important, but not completely sure about it until your attitudes and actions reinforce your words, then they will know and feel your love and care for them. If your attitudes and actions don't support what you say, your kids will become doubtful of your words and they will question within themselves if what you say is just a lie or merely words, become in-secured, and grow up to be untrusting people. Please don't do that to them because as long as they know and feel your love and care for them no matter what, they will grow up just fine; I know that because I am one of those kids.

 

3. Don't put your kids in the middle of any thing between you and your ex- spouse: don't ask them to take side; don't ask them to talk to your ex- spouse for you, or vice versa; don't talk bad about one another to your kids; be civil and polite to each other in front of your kids even though you feel like to scream at or kick your ex-spouse's behind, or vice versa; and when your kids talk bad about your ex-spouse, because of his action or decision, without any justified reason, correct them and support your ex-spouse, or vice versa, so they will not try to play one against another. When they see that both of you have their best interest at heart, they are reassured of your love and care for them, and they will grow up to be confident people.

 

All the things that you and your ex-spouse do for your children as: emphasize that it's not their fault that you get divorced & remind them often of that so they don't feel guilty, don't put them in the middle of any thing between both of you so they don't feel torn, and always show your love for them no matter what, are interrelated and boil down to one thing which is your love for them. As I often say, it doesn't make much difference if you are grown up in a single-parent or two-parent household, in a divorced family or a family intact, as long as you know and feel that you are loved and cared for no matter what, then you will grow up just fine.

 

Mai Bordelon is the manager and owner of My Little Corner, LLC, also known as The Coach for Divorced Women at http://lifecoachingcorner.com. She helps divorced women to become stronger, happier, to have self-confidence, to achieve a life where their dreams are fulfilled with a life partner worthy of their love, and to never feel they are under anyone's mercy again. Copyright © 2010 My Little Corner, LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. This article may be freely distributed if this resource box stays attached.