Nowadays, finding time together as a family can be difficult. Most parents work while the children go to school and also probably take part in several leisure activities. So, time when the whole family can be together is rare.

It can be a good idea to co-ordinate the family's schedules so that the whole family can eat their evening meal all together, or at least so that a couple of weekend meals are preserved as times when the whole family can be together and can talk.

It is important for all the members of the family to meet and talk to one another. For children it is also very important to have certain practices and fixed points in their lives.

Having meals together gives a good opportunity to talk about the events and experiences that matter to them. Try to let everybody talk, and be attentive and interested. Children also appreciate having certain days reserved for specific activities such as spending a Thursday afternoon with Dad in the library, or to go swimming with Mum on Friday evenings. Try to involve the child in the planning.

Some families find it very beneficial to have a 'round table' chat for about half an hour once a week. If they get used to having this when the children are small, it is a firmly established routine long before the kids become teenagers - and it really helps make communication easier.

This weekly meeting should take place round the kitchen table - or somewhere similar. Everyone can have tea, coffee, or soft drinks - but no alcohol. Everyone in the family should know that he or she is going to have their say without being shouted down, but that there is a time limit to the session, so it can't go on all day.

Most families find that they need a few ground rules to make this work well. They might be:

    * no shouting

    * no swearing

    * no one leaves until the meeting comes to its proper end.

A regular family chat where its members can air their grievances can really help the household to run more smoothly.

However, it is also important to listen to your child at other times when they come to ask or talk about something. If they are always told 'not now, I'm busy', they will lose the desire to share their thoughts with you and they will probably grow up with considerable resentment against you, believing that they really never quite mattered enough for you to put them first.

It is a sad fact that the grown-ups we often see in therapy are individuals who felt that they were not given priority in the home as children, or who feel that they were overly criticised or that the only time Mum or Dad showed any interest in them was when they were either naughty, or bringing home great grades from school.

When one sits opposite a depressed or distressed adult in therapy – perhaps someone who is having trouble forming good and healthy relationships – one often gets the impression of the troubled, sad, lost child that that person once was.